Pipe Rut

Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't find the enthusiasm to smoke a pipe? Every open tin of tobacco seems boring and nothing in your stash interests you? Has this gone on for more than a day or two? If so, then you, my friend, are in a "pipe rut".

For the past couple of months I have been experiencing what I call "Transient Pipe Ruts" or "TPRs" for short. I don't know if it is because of the bleak Winter weather or if it is just because my pipe smoking routines, ("PSRs" for short), have become mundane. I seem to find myself staring at my pipe and tobacco cabinet only to walk away empty handed. This problem has given me so much stress that I am becoming frail and tired, ("FAT" for short), so I decided to seek professional help.

I spoke to my associate, ("ASS" for short), who holds his PhD in Psychology, ("PP" for short), so I know he is a very smart ASS. I explained to him that my TPRs have made me FAT and I needed his advice on how to improve my PSRs. Oddly, he suggested that I get the book "Obesity Free Forever", ("OFF" for short), to which I asked "Where do you get OFF?" The smart ASS still has not spoken to me ever since so he can take his PP somewhere else as far as I am concerned.

So I still suffer from the TPRs and I am more FAT than ever. My wife said that she thinks my ASS is FAT as well but she insists that I will get OFF "never in my lifetime".

Maybe I'll just buy some new pipes!